Welcome to Overdosed
Hello! Welcome to Overdosed a weekly newsletter on drug policy and people who use drugs by me, Diane Roznowski.
The first few weeks of Overdosed will be a different format from the newsletter generally. They will be longer, but I hope you find them helpful. This will be a way for you to get to know me and for us to learn more about the underlying issues that the newsletter will cover. This week I want you to get to know me and my journey getting to the point I’m at today writing this newsletter for you.
Growing up I never challenged what I heard about people who use drugs. I followed my fourth-grade teacher’s instructions and wrote an essay about how I would never use drugs. I followed instructions again in fifth grade and wrote a letter to a high school senior begging them not to drink on prom night. I listened to countless assemblies on drugs and their dangers. I thought it was all so simple, and concluded that people who use drugs were bad people. I thought they were to blame because they didn’t just say no.
I could blame my age or my school district for a lot of my old views on drugs and drug users, but the reality is people of all ages and backgrounds feel this way today. As someone who has changed many of my views on these issues, I try to talk to people who feel the way I used to feel as much as I can. I do it not because I think it’s easy (trust me: it’s not) but rather because it’s so incredibly important. The things that caused me to change my views are things I wish no one would ever have to go through to understand this.
My junior year of high school on the day before my AP Psych test, my mom broke the news to me that my older sister Emily was a heroin addict.
I was angry. I was hurt. I wanted nothing to do with her.
I had just turned seventeen a couple of weeks prior and this news stressed me out so much that I got a nosebleed all over the multiple choice section of my test. I felt ashamed that this was happening and I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone about it. It had been hard enough being one of the few students with a single parent at my privileged suburban high school, I knew I couldn’t let people know that my sister was a heroin addict.
It took me over a year to tell more than just my close friends, but I finally told people in May of my senior year during my philosophy of life final speech. It was nerve-wracking but ended up being the first time I recognized the impact my story could have, especially when it came to changing people's minds on substance use disorders.
In college, I told my story even more. I talked about it casually and as often as I could to normalize a common yet highly stigmatized issue.
At the same time, my sister continued her struggle to stop using drugs. She went to countless detox stays, sober living homes, intensive outpatient therapy groups, Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and spent time in jail. Our family life was defined by complete chaos and never knowing what was coming next.
Shortly before Thanksgiving in 2015, Emily learned she was 22-weeks pregnant. She was using 25 bags of heroin a day and her OBGYN told her that her child could die if she stopped. We quickly learned Emily was too pregnant for any of the treatment centers we found in Pennsylvania to accept her, despite the fact that they are legally required to prioritize pregnant drug users. After two weeks of her calling treatment centers daily, Emily finally found a methadone clinic that could help her.
On February 27, 2016, Emily gave birth to a healthy baby, my niece Carter. Emily had never babysat or been around little kids, but being a mom came so naturally to her. Carter filled so many of the holes in Emily’s heart that she had been desperately trying to fill with drugs. My sister was the happiest and healthiest she had been in years. Our family stopped living and fear of the future and thought that she had beat this.
Unfortunately, we were wrong. For whatever reason Emily decided to buy what she thought was heroin on December 3, 2016. The bag she used was pure fentanyl. She most likely died instantly. The moment we dreaded for nearly five years had finally come.
There are many things I have learned since my sister's death that could have saved her life. While Emily was alive, our family lived in survival mode. We didn’t have the time or energy to learn the truth about the disease that ended up taking our loved one. We did what we had to to get through our days.
The summer before Emily died, she had started speaking about her substance use disorder publicly. She recorded a podcast with Hillary Clinton’s campaign and spoke at a press conference. She talked with our mom about wanting them to speak together on the topic. She talked to me about wanting the three of us to talk about how each of our lives was impacted. After her death, our mom and I have found our own ways to carry on Emily’s dream of helping others.
This newsletter is my newest way of doing that.
The last seven years have taught me so much about substance use disorders and people who use drugs. I used to think that “addicts” were bad people. I didn’t know that we’re all drug users in one way or another. I never even heard the term harm reduction until months after my sister died. No one should lose someone they love because they didn’t know the best way to help them. If this newsletter is able to help one person, it will be worth it.
Further Reading
This would normally be the part of the newsletter where I would share news articles on the topic. Since this week’s topic is my story, I thought it would be best to share where I like to get my news on drug policy and substance use.
Kaiser Health News - I subscribe to KHN Morning Briefing, their opioid crisis section has articles on many different issues and has introduced me to many issues within substance use policy.
New York Times - Recently the NYT Editorial Board has been publishing strong pieces on the opioid epidemic aimed at combating misinformation. These two are really wonderful.
STAT - I first found STAT News when they published this article that included my sister’s obituary. Since then I have subscribed to their Morning Rounds, DC Diagnosis, and Weekend Reads newsletters. I have found STAT’s reporting and reporters to be extremely thorough.
The Temper - The Temper has intersectional, modern, and nuanced perspectives on recovery and sobriety. They decenter white men and show that recovery can look like many different things.
Vox - I also really like Vox’s reporting on drug policy. German Lopez does incredible work on many topics related to drugs and the opioid epidemic.
Thank you for subscribing to Overdosed! If you know someone who may be interested in getting it as well, I would love for you to share it with them (and encourage them to subscribe here!) I would also love to know what you thought about this first newsletter here and any questions you have on drug use or substance use disorders here.
Until next Friday,
